.....اناء بلاستيكى مشروخ.....

من مظاهر الاصاله التى يتمتع بها المصريون...الاعتزاز بكل قديم حتى يرحل تماما عن الوجود أو ربما حتى يرحلوا هم انفسهم...ترى ذلك مطبقا بصوره نمطيه فى كل مكان....ففى الجهات الحكوميه هناك ما يسمى بالعهده و كثير من الاقفال و أصحاب العهده من حاملى ماديليات مفاتيح هائلة الحجم ..تورث من جيل لأخر ليتعهد بالحفاظ على نفس العهده المصانه منذ زمن

أنظر فى اى بيت ..ابحث قليلا و تجاهل انه ليس منزلك... هل وجدته ؟؟!! ركن الكراكيب ,فى بير السلم , أو فى الصندره,أو شرفة المطبخ أو دولاب الحائط ...كلها اماكن تصلح ...تجد كراتين... و اكياس و آنيه تحتوى كل ما يحلم به بائع روبابيكيا متمرس ..... فهذا كشكول محاضرات شاب من الثلاثينيات لكنه معتز به لدرجه جعلت أقرباؤه يعتزون به حتى بعد مماته ...ماذا عن تلك الاشلاء ؟!! انها قطع دميتها المفضله,كان مكانها فى النيش بالطبع حتى قررت تغيير الديكور..  و ماذا عن الآنيه ..انها كل تلك العلب التى حوت يوما صلصة و مربى و عسل..ربما احتاجناها يوما

هكذا تعرف ان لا مستقبل لبائعى الروبابيكيا فى مصر

الق نظرة الان فى جراج المنزل..تلك السيارة العتيقة القابعة كوحش اسطورى.... لن اندهش لو وجدت عجلة القيادة ناحية اليمين ..تشبه فى شكلها المربع الصارم و لونها الصحراوى الباهت بتلك التى اراها فى افلام الحرب العالمية .... ربما ورثها صاحبها عن جد جده .. هى لا تتحرك تقريبا , لكنه يحبها جدا , ينظفها باستمرار و يجلس بها مستعيدا احاسيس و حيوات من رحلوا و لم يعرف عنهم شئ.... يتعرف اليهم من خلالها , فهى رأت و سمعت كل شئ و كانت هناك دائما  تجوب شوارع يمشى هو بها كل يوم لكنه لم يرها مثلما رأتها هى

جالت كل تلك الصور بخاطرى أثناء تشريحى لذلك الاخطبوط الصغير , أقطتع جزءا صغيرا من اعضائه و أضعه مع الماده الحافظه فى اناء بلاستيكى صغير, اكتب عليه تاريخ الحفظ, 8\2009  لأجد فى الناحية الأخرى منه شرخ صغير كتب عليه : دفرسوار 1989

The first real blog

well...its been sooooo long since last time i tried to put my thoughts in words :D this is the first blog here on blogger ...all those beneath are some writings from the old happy days on yahoo 360 service ...now its closed and they transferred our stuff to yahoo profiles ..and as we can't easily be used to any new thing -specially obligatory ones- so we (or may be i :D ) had the feeling of Masaken el eewa2 after an earthquake :D :D and as i know about blogger from long ago so i felt it more home like than yahoo profiles and decided to start here over.....wishing to be inspired by blogging mania here :P

What makes u that late........!!!!???l

it tends to be more colder these days ..... and that makes me happy ....but it seems to be away .... sun still shining over so hard .... air has its usual warmth .... still no clouds up their .... few days ago thunder sound awakened me .... it was for me a great surprise ... i was soooo happy feeling its approaching that strong ..... the next day was rainy ... i was at college .. i enjoyed every falling droplet .... the smell of rains flourished me ..... this is what i love most .. and missed very much
i've missed the feeling of shiver from coldness wile i'm holding tight my hot cub of chocolate .... missed watching rain droplets rolling over the glassy window ..seeing my hot breath formed over the window ....get my nose and fingers freeze from cold air .... it may sound gloomy for some of u ....but for me its the best conditions in the whole year ......its Winter .... my lovely season ...have ever experienced Alex in winter ....has a special charm that i can't describe.... and my lovely city Ismailia ... i feel it more cleaner and prettier in winter .....
i miss winter......

فوق أرجوحة الميزان

من وقت الغروب تبدأ ساعاتى الخاصة .........أتأهب......... استعد....اخرج لاراها.....تنساب من عالمنا فى حمرة ..حزينة .. حالمة...فطالما كرهت ان يراها كما يرونها...دامية....أشعر بأثارة لا حدود لها ... فقد اصطبغ لون البحر بلونها

هو ايضا يشعر بها ...... فها هى امواجه الثائرة تزداد ثورة تعلو وتهبط فى نشوة و فرح ....لقد امتزج بها و امتزجت به ... اصبحا كيانا واحدا له لون و رائحه قرص شمس يمتزج بمياه فائرة

الان ذابت كاملة ,فقط بصيص نورها ينبعث ضعيفا من اعماق بحر تتسابق امواجه ....تتقافز ...تلامس الرمال

الاول هو الفائز....

الاسرع هو الفائز...

الاقوى هو الفائز.....لكن هل ترى...؟؟؟ كلهم فائز!!!! فكلهم اقوى و كلهم اسرع

كلهم يصطدم بالشاطئ...الرمال الذهبية الرقيقة.... فوقها ينساب فى نعومة ...تراه غير مصدق ....منذ لحظات قليلة كان هذا هو الموج الاقوى و الاكثر ثورة ....الان ترى جانب جديد منه و صورة جديدة من صور الطبيعة .....هائل هو يكاد يصبح مدمر لكنه فى ثناياه يحمل من الرقة و النعومة مالا نستطيع فهمه او تصوره ....ا

الان اظلمت الدنيا ...تلاشى القدر الباقى من الضوء المتشبث بعالمنا ....لابد له ان يرحل .....لكنى لن ارحل...هل سترحل انت ...؟؟؟ انتظر...!!!هل تشعر به على وجهك؟؟؟.....رذاذ دافئ يفوح منه عطر البحر ..يلامس وجهك فتنتشى و تطلب المزيد.......ا

انظر للافق...هل تراه؟؟

لا تنكر فلازال الليل طفلا لم يندمج البحر و السماء بعد....مازالت النجوم وليدة لم تظهر كامله العدد ....لازال القمر يصعد....فى حمره يصعد....ثم فى صفرة تراه ينظر لك....الان يثبت فهل ترى لونه الناصع البياض ...الان تعلم موعد وصول النجوم النهائى ...انظر لصفحه السماء تراها متراصة كامله العدد ...ماذا؟؟ هل من شك؟؟

اذن...فلتبدأ العد.......ا

اما انا اعرف انهم هم....كانوا هنا بالامس ... وسأراهم غدا ....انا اعلم !!
كيف؟؟؟

ربما اصبحت منهم

لم لا؟؟

كل ليلة اتى اجلس انظر اليهم ...احاول الصعود

اصعد اليهم

موضعى هناك بجانب القمر

انه يعرفنى ...الا ترى كيف ينظر لى....هل ترى ابتسامته؟؟

كل ليلة اصعد انظر للموج من هناك

هو الان فى زرقة السماء مع بياض ثورانه مضاء تحت اشعة القمر

كل ليلة اصعد

كيف اصعد؟؟؟؟

كما ترانى الان

فوق ارجوحة الميزان

An OlD StOrY ..............ThE WhiTe RoSe VaLLeY ..........!!!!!!l

One day i was traveling passing by a valley far away from my village WHEN i saw her....setting alone beside a set of red flowers under a tree near the river ,hearing nothing but rustling of trees ...smelling nothing but roses odor....seeing nothing but the words of a book resting in her hand .....with the early air wind playing softly with her hair
I avoided to get closer to her but was wondering

At this point i heard a voice coming from nowhere answering me


SHE is such a delicate air wind in a clear calm night, loves to watch the sky and describe its sets of cloud day time, then at night she counts the stars and rearrange them on the sky........................

i didn't hear the voice any more because of the louder sound of my thoughts ,i was watching her setting and feeling like she's a part of the surrounding nature ,she's not a just human being

Time was passing while i was watching her .......the sun was setting leaving a sleepy reddish blue light behind it ,and for my amazement she was getting nervous with seeing the sun setting ......

Suddenly the wind become so fast that i had to close my eyes for a while ,and when i opened them again .....she was GONE just vanished i was astonished i thought i was dreaming ..but no i wasn't , i got nearer an nearer to her place searching for her in every where but of no use i stepped exactly where she was setting and on the grass i found her book opened beside the set of red flowers ......

At this moment i noticed strange thing......was this white rose there from the beginning???it would be so obvious if so !!!! every thing was confusing........i looked at the white rose again and thought a little .....suddenly i realized what happened .....i smiled....assuring myself.... i said to myself and continued my way out of the valley .........THE WHITE ROSE VALLEY..........


this is an old story i wrote about six years ago in Arabic and translated it a year ago....

Searching for IDENTITY............!!!!l

having a real need to write , i just picked up
my pen and sheets trying to start any
sentence but it was nothing....... starting with
drawing arrows ,circles and non-definite
shapes,then writing and scratching what i
wrote , writing my name several times as if i
make sure i didn't forget it yet or trying to
know what it really means.

its a strange feeling to become someone u
don't know or not to become at all

you know
seeing a far away world through the window
of your dreams while you are still at your
place.... can't go there ...not wanting to get
your eyes away from it...you forget every
thing about your real world as now you are
belonging to out there mentally and
spiritually...but u shouldn't forget that
physically u still belong to that real world u
dream to escape from...your body is there
seen by people around u and they seeing a
non conscious mind looking with non seeing
eyes to some where at the horizon ..they don't
know what are u looking at , but u do seeing
every thing with every simple detail.

Having a real desire to reach it u carry
yourself on forgetting them -realities- and
sooner u do ...and sooner u don't see them
any more
by that u put yourself in a real serious
situation filled with fatal weak points and
cracks ....they see u while u're not ,flying over
a cloudy fragile world while your body
standing with beasts looking for a moment of
inadvertence from u

i'm wondering what really are u looking
at??!!!! define it... is it a dream?? if yes
remember getting harmed in your dream is
not necessarily come true , but in reality
getting harmed includes u and your dreams


عندما تصبح غريبا عن نفسك لكن من حولك يرون انك انت لم
تتغير عن اى وقت مضى فربما هم لم يعرفوك قط
قديما اعتقدت انك انسان حالم جدا ,يتكلم لغته الخاصه جدا, له
افكاره الغريبه جدا.......و تماديت ........ فأصبحت للحلم
اقرب ربما اختفى الفارق عندك بين الحلم و الواقع فاصبح
حلمك هو واقعك و واقعك الحقيقى مجهول .....اختلط الامر
عليك , احسست بتغيرات غريبه تحدث لك و لكن حاولت ان
تتناسى و تتظاهر بأن كل شئ على ما يرام انه مجرد ارهاق

تناسيت فنسيت...نسيت كل شئ .. لغتك الخاصة-ولا يعرفها
غيرك
افكارك-كتبت بتلك اللغه
الان تحتاج لمن يفك الشفرة
انت لست انت و لا مجال للعوده - هكذا ترى الان- فقل لى
كيف تستعيد هويتك؟؟ ام ستبحث عن اخرى؟؟
من ستكون و ماذا ستريد ؟؟

هى حاله غريبه اعانيها ربما هى اعقد ربما هى ابسط ..........
كلماتى هى انعكاس لا ادرى مدى صدقه ........
تغير اللغه هو مجرد حاله.........ا

هل تراه؟!! انتظر... فيمكنك سماعه...

حسناء ينتابها الارق...
معذب يتمنى عودة محبوبته...
كلاهما يجلس فى شرفته ....

إنه الليل الأزرق يقبع بداخله السواد...
حفيف الأوراق الخضراء لشجرة تعكس فضية الظلمة على قطرات نداها... رفرفات الطيور الليلية... والأنفاس الحارة تذوب فى هواء الليل البارد. وهناك فى صفحة السماء قرص فضى يبتسم ويراقب فى سلام.

كلاهما يجلس فى شرفته... كلاهما يرى حلمه هناك يتقافز بين النجوم بضحكة عابثة يحثهم ليتبعوه
كلاهما يجلس فى شرفته... ولكن هناك المزيد...

بجوار فرسه النائم يجلس يحملق فى بقايا الرماد المشتعل. يفكر كيف سيكون غده؟ يتأمل حوله التلال الرملية، خليط من الأحمر والأصفر مصبوغة بزرقة نهار يكاد يتلاشى فى ليل وشيك, وتألق النجوم يصور لخياله المزيد.
يستلقى فوق الرمال ويتساءل أين تبدأ هذه الزرقة وأين تنتهى؟
ينظر للنجوم منتظر؛ هل من مجيب؟!
زرقة الليل عميق السواد إلا من بعض اللألئ المنثورة فوق صفحة السماء المخملية
وحيدا يرقد فى صحراء فضية مترامية الأطراف فى ضوء النجوم وهواء الصحراء الجاف يداعب وشاحه الأبيض. صوت الرمال المتطايرة يندمج مع صيحة نصر من طائر يحلق...
وحلمه هناك يتقافز وسط التلال فى اتجاه الشمال...

ففى الشمال النهاية.. وربما أيضا بداية.
نهاية عالمه المعروف وبداية عالمه الخفى.

هنا أمامه حيث يجلس فوق الرمال الرطبة، فى سواد لانهائى ينظر، يبحث عن الخط الفاصل بين الأرض والسماء, ثم لا يلبث فيعجز ويكف عن البحث.
فيكتفى بالتأمل، والتساؤل... هل حقا هناك سيجده؟ حلمه القديم!!
قد بدأ هنا فى نفس البقعة واختطفه الموج الأسود سهوا
حلمه هنا يرقد فى عمق المحيط ولربما وصل أو كاد حيث اندمجت النهايتان فانعدمت الزرقة وساد السواد.
سواد الليل العميق مرصع بالنجوم مكلل بزبد البحر الأبيض.
حلمه هناك يسمع صوته يناديه من تحت الأمواج المتصارعه ينتظر من ينقذه.
ولا يستطيع تجاهله
لذا سيذهب... متى يجد الخيط الفاصل سيذهب...
ينظر فى الأفق يراقب النجوم وتتابع الأمواج...

هل اصاب الارهاق بصره؟ أم أن السواد قد انقشع؟
ها قد عادت الزرقة, عميقه فى البداية، ثم انبعثت منها اطياف حمراء كأن السماء تدمى. والبحر الملطخ صار للهدوء أقرب وأميل.

الآن يراه الجميع. يتصاعد فى خجل من وراء المبنى البعيد يصعد، من فوق التلال يسرى، من قلب المحيط ينجو...
من وراء الأفق ها قد ظهر.......
قرص أحمر...

NOTHING NEW........!!!!!!l

canceled , my field trip is canceled ,and exams became earlier
but never mind i don't wanna talk about it now
almost i have nothing to talk about
what aboring life !!!
but wait still i wanna talk mmmmmmm what should i say????!!!!
nothing about myself any more
i'lltalk about you guys
yes you this is a brand new idea born just at this moment
well let me take deep breath first
allright ...u know even i'm so far from u and not connected to u very often but u alwayes in my mind and i'm coping up with u and every new thing u do or write on your pages even if i didn't share it with u by a comment or a massege
u realy can make me laugh in my darkest nights (sure nights coz my days are always out in the submarine that we call our department) and it is a real submarine such a dark narow place of no natural lights all are artificial coz no sunrays dare to penetrate it so u can feel the coldness all the year we have no summer till we are out for praying or eating and that also so rare ...most of time we enter the department at 8 am and leave it 6 or 7 pm
so we don't know any thing about the outer world there on the surface
but still i like it
huh i turned to talk about my self again

MiNd MaZe (TrAppEd )l

at a night of exams time ,i was setting as usual in a mess of papers every where around me jumping from one topic to another; some crabs, then sea grass and some light striking that lake when suddenly, the light went out...i didn't move an inch and decided that fate was giving me an obligatory break,so i forgot anything about candle or any other alternative light source...

so now u can see me setting in the dark staring at the endless space around me
it's darkness ...my favorite place where my mind get clarify and all the noise in side me just run away..i forgot everything about exams and decided to make a journey into my mind....the deep ,old, dark paths inside....and inside there ,there was a long endless path and doors every where at both it's sides ,i was confused which door i should get in..will it be some happy memory or I'll regret ??!!!and so i kept walking along the path ..the long path was branched into smaller paths which in turn where branched to smaller ones but''what if i got lost in my mind ??''...at this part i stopped fearing of going forward ,unable to get backward ..freezing at my site when i realized that I'm trapped in my mind........

.standing in the middle of the maze of my mind i looked around me to see tens of paths with hundreds of doors .....some doors are opened some ,are half opened..some are closed with a lock and some with chains and giant locks and some are buried under tons of dust and spider webs

i entered the first opened door suspiciously ...it was as if i entered paradise ..singing birds, bright green trees protecting some angels from the warm sun rays....a page of clear lake sparkling under the golden sun rays ,roses ,jumping white rabbits in short the paradise of my dreams here is where i always escape and hide away from my tough reality.......''let's go see another door''i said to my self


i walked in another path only GOD knows where will it leads me..but it was illuminated so i was a little comfortable..here is some closed door i handled the knob asking myself if i was suffering from that phobia of closed doors....something in side me said hey there is nothing to fear here also it's your mind isn't it??!!

that was right but who said that my mind doesn't have some thing to fear of sure it has dozens...at least my childhood fearing where will i find them where is the path of my nightmares ???will i meet some of them ??!!again no one can reply so all i had to do was a deep breath and a gentle push of the door ....at first i couldn't see any thing the room with of strong light that i had to close my eyes for a while and open the again to see very strange scene....it was my whole life on a film strip running quickly ...some shoots where quivering, some were pale and some were very obviousand the last part of the srip was blank....i thought that is the part of my life i did't live yet....on the other side of the room there was a strange machine that had two openings each connected to a screen here where my memories got sorted bad memories burned while sweet ones framed...the other side was the source of my daydreams and inspiration from which i creat stories and dreams while staring at some book or while doing any house work or even when i'm on my way to wherever in the car


it was amazing to see all that huge amount of dreams I've created and forgot every thing about

i stepped out the door with strong sigh anxious to discover another part but fearing from the unknown and every memory i tried hard to hide and forget i was drowning in my thoughts,walking aimless in the paths when i felt that strange smell ...u know that smell of old books that smell of age and time ,i was amazed then , i thought ''i'm only lived 2 decades on Earth ,it's not enough to cause such old memories''

i followed the smell walked into the paths where it was getting stronger when finally it lead me to that old door ,made up of very old poor wood ''Oh how could it be here''i thought amazingly...it was very easy to be opened stepping into it i realized what was this smell for ..it's the wise part in me and don't laugh at me i didn't know that it was exist it's in a very deep part of my mind away from any light or aireation contain the few experiences i've gained in my life ..my mind saved them inside it but i didn't even stopped at them at there time ,they just passed at me at some moments and gone or so i thought......this room was like no one of the others it had another door inside it a door like those of jailes huge, strong with huge lock on it i tried my best to open it but all was in vain i put my ear on it trying to know what was going on there but i heared nothing but a so far away sounds and some familiar voices ,...did i heared my voice or it was illusions ???. .. no one can tell..that was driving me made i was ding to know what was happening, and during my struggling with the door i saw in a side glance small key dropped beside the door ....i felt relief ,picked it up ,inserted it in the door and.........Sarah wake up did u finish your studying??it's 3 am. now go finish it before the light went off again...............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WhO CaN ReCaLL ThE GeNe

when the gene of words is recalled
no one can stop the flow
ink runs out
people shout watch out ,no ideas will be available ,
when this gene is out
every mind is blocked
no one can hear his thoughts
no dreams can easily be shown
when the gene of words is recalled,
books are meaningless, but for the master who can recall
memories can keep only shades of far away dreams
when the gene of words is recalled
only master of words can get the last line drawn

for me all this above are meaningless -even they are my words-
,don't laugh at me
why did i write them??!!!
don't know actually , may be i had a need to write but couldn't recall the gene

ShE Said YeS,ThE DaY It RaiNeD........

و ظل بصمته المعهود يسألنى....ماذا تقولين؟؟؟ وهل تقبلين؟؟؟ قابلت صمته المتسائل بسكون حائر ..لا ادرى ماذا اقول.....و طال صمته و طالت حيرتى... درت بعينى فى كل مكان حولى ,أبحث عن شئ بعد لا ادرى كنهه...كل شئ كان صامت كصمته...حائر كحيرتى........!!ا الاشجار تتمايل و لا يسمع لها حفيف و الشمس خبت فى هدوء حذر تخاف أن تشوب صمتنا بشائبة نظرت الى السماء..كانت تزدحم بالغيوم ,كعقلى المتزاحم بالافكار و المخاوف...........ثم بدأ يتحدث...يحثنى على الكلام ...يحاول سبر أغوارى واحتواء مخاوفى....كنت اتساءل متمنية ....هل حقا يستطيع!!؟؟ولم يدم تساؤلى ..-ام هى رغبتى!!؟؟- فها انا قد زال تشككى ...و يتبعه ترددى ....و ساد الهدوء مره اخرى , هدوء متسائل... غير حائر ابتسمت, فابتسم و قلت "يبدو انه لا مفر منك" اتسعت ابتسامته, و تساقطت قطرات المطر .......و نفذ شعاع الشمس من بين الغيوم

these words are mine ..but not the feelings .....it belongs to one of my dearest friends ever .....so they are dedicated to her ,hope u like it

PaReNtS, pArEnTs, Parents.....!!!!!!!!l

simple definition: simple couple who by bringing you to this world,

are given the right to be judge and jury the planet and the whole solar system ,

to watch,control and direct you according to their rules


Resulting situation :people (parents)from the middle age with rules from theprehistori stone age ;i say prehistoric
coz they're inherited from your grandparents ,who have in turn inherited them from their parents
who are your great grandparents,Added to those rules ,their own experience and life experiments and so on and so force!
which are all according to their point of view of course ,and on a playground of the present modern age


****


So what do u think???!!!!will we be those parents???...i hope not actually
i thought many times of how can any couple married be good parents,
by our modern open minded points of view (that i don't know them all yet)


to know the answer i managed to observe my parent's way in raising their children (my sisters and prother)
and any other parents in our family ,neighbors or in the street(sometimes on the TV too)

and the results were amazing actually coz i just got a very great HEADACHE without understanding any thing
i just was feeling like i want to leave home to any uninhabited island
(that kind that not found on any map or even heared about )
but of course we shouldn't solve our proplems by running a way

so i decided to stay hehehehe.....


i think they never thought of the proper way they'll raise their young on before bringing them to earth
they just let them live and eat ,eat ,eat and of course sleep(3ashan yekbaro)
but forgot every thing about their way of thinking and broadening their minds
or making them acquire skills
they just realize it when any child do something wrong they just yell
on his face not to do that again (but he still didn't know what exactly the wrong thing he did!!!)
they didn't explain any thing thinking that he's still young and wont get it ,he just has to know how to obey them now ,then he'll understand later and that's totally wrong ,in fact he can get every thing since the minute he born

after 4 or 5 years they suddenly discover that he's not an intelligent or unsocial kide or not well raised
but also they don't solve it reasonably, and the boy becomes stubborn too
that's some of what i discovered and their are lots of notes too but i just can't count them all
but i have some words for EBN KHALDON the great Arabian sociologist -the establisher of sociology indeed

his words summarize it all actually he says:****

"من كان مرباه بالعسف و القهر من المتعلمين ,حمله على الكذب و الخبث , و هو التظاهر بغير ما فى ضميره خوفا من انبساط الأيدى بالقهر عليه , و علمه المكر و الخديعة

لذلك و صارت له هذه عادة و خلقا و فسدت معانى الأنسانية التى له من حيث الأجتماع و التمدن و هى الحميه و المدافعة عن نفسه و منزله و صار عيالا على غيره فى ذلك , بل و كسلت نفسه عن اكتسابالفضائل و الخلق الجميل
فينبغى للمعلم فى متعلمه , و الوالد فى ولده ألايستبدا عليهما فى التأديبط
"****

i don't think i can say any thing after these words


ThInGs PaReNtS AlWaYs SaY


oh your doing the washing up!!!!are you feeling alright??!!

(i was ,but i came over all peaky when i heard that sarcastic comment.

Maybe i'd better go and have a lie-down instead)

don't come running to me if you fall off these heels and break your leg
(i won't be able to come running to u coz i'll be in casualty

and it'll be u who has to come and bring me home!)


stop cring or i'll give u something to cry about
(i've already got enough to cry about thats why i'm crying )

you're not going out dressed like that under my roof!!
(Errr, i'm not under your roof ,i'm on my way out ,actually)

you're so spoilt

(i blame the parents) ****


****extracted from teen stuff magazine

****my words
****كتاب النصوص بتاع سلمى