Searching for IDENTITY............!!!!l

having a real need to write , i just picked up
my pen and sheets trying to start any
sentence but it was nothing....... starting with
drawing arrows ,circles and non-definite
shapes,then writing and scratching what i
wrote , writing my name several times as if i
make sure i didn't forget it yet or trying to
know what it really means.

its a strange feeling to become someone u
don't know or not to become at all

you know
seeing a far away world through the window
of your dreams while you are still at your
place.... can't go there ...not wanting to get
your eyes away from it...you forget every
thing about your real world as now you are
belonging to out there mentally and
spiritually...but u shouldn't forget that
physically u still belong to that real world u
dream to escape from...your body is there
seen by people around u and they seeing a
non conscious mind looking with non seeing
eyes to some where at the horizon ..they don't
know what are u looking at , but u do seeing
every thing with every simple detail.

Having a real desire to reach it u carry
yourself on forgetting them -realities- and
sooner u do ...and sooner u don't see them
any more
by that u put yourself in a real serious
situation filled with fatal weak points and
cracks ....they see u while u're not ,flying over
a cloudy fragile world while your body
standing with beasts looking for a moment of
inadvertence from u

i'm wondering what really are u looking
at??!!!! define it... is it a dream?? if yes
remember getting harmed in your dream is
not necessarily come true , but in reality
getting harmed includes u and your dreams


عندما تصبح غريبا عن نفسك لكن من حولك يرون انك انت لم
تتغير عن اى وقت مضى فربما هم لم يعرفوك قط
قديما اعتقدت انك انسان حالم جدا ,يتكلم لغته الخاصه جدا, له
افكاره الغريبه جدا.......و تماديت ........ فأصبحت للحلم
اقرب ربما اختفى الفارق عندك بين الحلم و الواقع فاصبح
حلمك هو واقعك و واقعك الحقيقى مجهول .....اختلط الامر
عليك , احسست بتغيرات غريبه تحدث لك و لكن حاولت ان
تتناسى و تتظاهر بأن كل شئ على ما يرام انه مجرد ارهاق

تناسيت فنسيت...نسيت كل شئ .. لغتك الخاصة-ولا يعرفها
غيرك
افكارك-كتبت بتلك اللغه
الان تحتاج لمن يفك الشفرة
انت لست انت و لا مجال للعوده - هكذا ترى الان- فقل لى
كيف تستعيد هويتك؟؟ ام ستبحث عن اخرى؟؟
من ستكون و ماذا ستريد ؟؟

هى حاله غريبه اعانيها ربما هى اعقد ربما هى ابسط ..........
كلماتى هى انعكاس لا ادرى مدى صدقه ........
تغير اللغه هو مجرد حاله.........ا